国外也有段子手:怎样攻破德赫亚?

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国外也有段子手:怎样攻破德赫亚?
小伙伴们我们好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!上星期的世界赛场精彩亮点层出不穷,曼联赢下了和热刺的焦点之战,阿森纳不敌铁锤帮,利物浦制胜持续领跑,切尔西、皇马、巴萨等球队也纷繁制胜。亚洲杯赛场,两连胜的我国队得以提早呈现。好了,话不多说,让咱们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!德赫亚屡献神扑,曼联1-0热刺Nikowned(不知道主队球迷):除非德赫亚在场上尿尿,不然热刺根本就没有进球的时机!(Spurs will not have a chance to score unless De Gea is taking a piss.)ejablonskis(英格兰球迷):那可不必定,德赫亚能一边用一只手扶着大雕尿尿,一边用另一只手轻松扑出5个阿里的射门。(tbh, De Gea can easily save 5 Dele’s shots even with one hand on his cock.Fitzbender(皇马球迷):博格巴的传球就像是羞羞,拉什福德一射就达到了高潮!(Pogbas pass is sex, Rashford shot was perfectly timed orgasm then.)NVRLand(瑞典球迷):要是曼联门前不是德赫亚,而仅仅一堵水泥墙的话,热刺想要进球就能简单多了!(I think Tottenham's chances to score would improve if they put a concrete wall in United's goal instead of De Gea.)AngryPenguin501(英格兰球迷):这一切还都要从那个坑爹的传真机说起…(All of this because of a broken fax machine.)Imsortofabigdeal(热刺球迷):每过一赛季,我对那个传真机的恨意就添加一分!(My hate for that fax machine grows with each passing season.)HighlordElement(阿森纳球迷):德赫亚也不咋牛逼啊,分明上半场一次补救都没有!哦,不好意思我忘了,德赫亚想要补救,也得热刺有一脚射门才行啊!(De Gea was not that good and had 0 saves in the first half. Oh sorry you need to have shots on target to save, first!)SKAGAWA(曼联球迷):听说美国总统现已和曼联参议德赫亚的转会呢,川普想让他去守住墨西哥边境!(Rumors that the US President is in talks with Manchester United with respect to the potential transfer of David De Gea and just places him on the Mexican border.)Sneazzy(巴黎球迷):好怕怕…(I feel nervous now.)TopNotchGamerr(曼联球迷):这是啥感觉?居然还有强队惧怕曼联?我还活在2009年吗?(What is this feeling? a top teams fans scared of United? Am I living in 2009?)Hennny(曼联球迷):啊老天爷,原本我觉得能进前6就很满足了,现在我有点胀大到想要联赛冠军了!(Oh my god I’d made peace with us finishing in 6th as well, I can’t believe we’re going to win the title.)BombaclotPoomPoom(曼联球迷):咱仍是的实际一点吧,我看能赢下欧冠冠军就不错了!(Let's be more realistic, Champion's league.)奥秘嘉宾参与,阿森纳0-1西汉姆联greg19735(西汉姆联球迷):遽然发现Mia Khalifa来看球了,这竞赛看得我更热情四射了…(This match makes me wetter when I see Mia Khalifa coming.)TL31(曼联球迷):你们都在说什么呢,Mia Khalifa 就会跳水罢了,他人悄悄一推她就倒了!(What are you on about? She’s such a diver! Always faking it from the slightest of touches.)XeroVeil(德国球迷):今日Mia Khalifa 的呻吟声如同还没有大多数阿森纳球迷多…(She doesn't moan nearly as much as most of the Arsenal fans today.)Smith2k6(热刺球迷):枪手的紧逼乃至还比不上Mia Khalifa 呢!(Still tighter than arsenals defense though.)3picKill3(阿森纳球迷):热刺球迷就知道诽谤,你却是拿出她的集锦来证明一下啊。(Silly rumors of Spurs fans, show me her highlights.)TheHawk17(曼联球迷):阿森纳如此被按着冲突,其实是在向Mia Khalifa问候…(Arsenal just shows their respect to Mia Khalifa by being fucked.)varro-reatinus(阿森纳球迷):够了,别再提这场竞赛了!咱仍是来看看Mia Khalifa的著作吧! (Enough about the game, let’s watch some works of Mia Khalifa.)持续领跑,利物浦1-0布莱顿iamPause(利物浦球迷):裁判:“啊小伙子们,我今日把红黄牌忘在家里了,你们就都自觉一点吧!”(Ref: look lads, I left me cards at home on accident. Could you calm down a bit?)rockthered24(曼联球迷):我年少时有次当裁判,成果就真的把红黄牌忘在家里了,但整场竞赛都没人发现…(Fun fact when I was a teenager I was a referee for my towns program and I once forgot my cards at home but no one noticed that.)Gurmee_S (阿根廷球迷):布莱顿踢得不错啊,利物浦也就比对方强了一根头发丝这么一点点罢了!(Brighton did really well, Liverpool have to win these type of games by a hair length to win the title.)Scholafell(利物浦球迷):估量就强了瓜瓜的头发丝这么一点吧,不过能赢就好…(Won by a length of Pep's hair but I'll take it.)LordVelaryon(多特蒙德球迷):布莱顿这简直就是阿森纳等级的防卫啊!(Brighton was Arsenal level defending.)GroutGamer(阿森纳球迷):这么夸咱们还真是挺不好意思的…(Such compliments make me shy.)TheOddJdawg(利物浦球迷):要是两年前你告诉我利物浦也能舒舒服服地赢一场1-0,那我必定以为你疯了…(Imagine someone telling you that in 2 years we could comfortably win 1-0 I dont think i would think you are mad.)Redaak(利物浦球迷):其实这场竞赛的每一分钟都看得我胆战心惊的…(I assure you I was not comfortable through every minute.)Rukiahayashi(不知道主队球迷):很明显啊,曼联的大巴开到布莱顿去了!(Apparently Man Utd’s bus was at Brighton this whole time.)swiper33(热刺球迷):只能说阿诺德牛逼,他的传中让沙奇里都成为空中要挟了…(TAA is so damn good man. He can make fucking Shaqiri an aerial threat.)Mbeecroft(曼城球迷):法比尼奥都踢后卫了,克洛普肯定现已瓜瓜化了…(Klopp going full Guardiola with Fabinho at the back.)佩德罗威廉进球,切尔西2-1纽卡斯尔联Enazj(纽卡斯尔球迷):要是耶德林再跟不上节奏,那爽性就去沃尔玛扫地得了…(If Yedlin didn't have pace he'd be sweeping floors at Walmart.)Jonnehbravo(切尔西球迷):大卫-路易斯今日是被小法魂灵附体了吧!(luiz possessed by the ghost of fabregas today.)KroenkesAdvocate(阿森纳球迷):阿扎尔现已成为我的梦魇了…(I see Hazard's turn in my nightmares.)Lintal(切尔西球迷):威廉如同只要在自己的方位快要被人替代的时分才会挺身而出证明自己一下…(I swear Willian only turns up when we have another player threatening his starting spot…苏牙梅西进球,巴萨3-0埃尔瓦Volitient(巴萨球迷):别看苏牙看起来技能就像驴子相同糙,可他的进球助攻数都是仅次于梅西的…(He can really look like a donkey but the man gets those goals and assists, only less than Messi.)Mntgoat(厄瓜多尔球迷):就我一个人觉得朗格莱长得特别像小指头培提尔-贝里席吗?(Does anyone else think Lenglet looks like little finger a little bit?)Source_Wiki(巴萨球迷):苏牙在用难以想象的射门视点来怒艹牛顿定律…(That angle. Suarez says fuck you to Newton’s laws.)kabuto23(巴萨球迷):苏牙连送到口边的饼都能吐掉,却又能进这0视点射门…(Sometimes he misses sitters, Other times he scores 0 degree angle goals.)mightbeabotidk(巴萨球迷):所以老铁,下次“巴尔韦德傻X”循环啥时分开端啊?(So guys when is the next fool-Valverde circlejerk coming?)Guilleloco(不知道主队球迷):梅西取得了个人西甲400球的豪举,但人们如同一点都不觉得惊奇…(Messi has done the unthinkable and reached 400 La Liga goals today but nobody is surprised.)魔笛进球,皇马2-1贝蒂斯y0uveseenthebutcher(不知道主队球迷):皇马的下半场,差不多就是反向巴萨吧…(Madrid 2nd halves are the opposite of Barcelona 2nd halves.)hunchovis(皇马球迷):要不就让拉莫斯和本泽马伙伴踢中锋吧,再买几个后卫和维尼修斯一同安排防地就行了!(Thoughts on Ramos starting as centre forward with Benz out now? Will bully defenders and link up with Vinicius.)提早出线,我国3-0菲律宾CapetownFC(明尼苏达球迷):我在生计形式里现已用武磊赢得英超冠军了,肯定是我心目中的传奇…(Bruh he helped me win the EPLIn career mode. He’s a straight up legend in my book.)(图):其实Reddit足球版块里的我国球迷仍是挺多的~Reflex2011(英格兰球迷):第一次看武磊踢球,这技能诚心不错,计划今后持续重视他!(Man first time seeing this guy, he's got great technique. I'm going to keep an eye on him.)konoha_ka_ladka(印度球迷):连进两球,武磊牛逼!我现已把他当作我梦之队的队长了!(Two amazing goal by Wu Lei today. So glad I captained him in my fantasy squad!)(图):这两句就比较露出年纪了…好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为我们播签到这了。让咱们拭目而待,来看下期歪果仁们愈加精彩的尖锐吐槽吧!